Pawn Read online

  “You mean there’s another kind?” I said.

  I pushed open the cabinet. Benjy stumbled backward, and Nina dropped her spatula on the floor.

  “You were in there the whole time?” said Benjy, and I nodded. “How did you fit?”

  “I’m flexible,” I said. “I need to get out of here before they come back. Tabs said she’d be here by the time the kids got home.”

  I gave Nina a kiss on the cheek and headed into one of the two large rooms filled with bunk beds that the forty of us shared. Benjy stormed after me, but I resolutely stared straight ahead.

  “Kitty— Kitty. You had this planned before today?” He took me by the elbow, and I spun around to face him.

  “Yes,” I said hotly, wrenching my arm away from him. “Because unlike you, we don’t all have superbrains to fall back on.” I hurried to my bunk, where my half-empty duffel bag sat waiting for me. I thought I’d be taking it into a better part of the city that evening, not Denver, and certainly not the club where Tabs lived. But I’d planned for the worst, thinking that when she arrived to pick me up, I’d tell her that I wouldn’t be going with her after all. Not this.

  “Fine,” he called, disappearing into the boys’ bunk. Half a minute later, he appeared in the doorway holding his backpack. “I’m coming with you.”

  I shoved my shirt into my bag. “What are you going to do in a club, Benjy?”

  “We’re not going to the club,” he said. “We’re running away.”

  “No, we’re not. I’m not going to let you do that to yourself.”

  “I already told you. If you only earned a III, there’s no hope for me.” He grabbed a sweatshirt I’d borrowed from him and stuffed it into his backpack. “You’re just as clever as me and you know it.”

  “No, I’m not,” I said, my face burning as I struggled not to cry. I hadn’t cried in years, not since Tabs had gone underground and we hadn’t heard a word from her for six months. By the time she’d finally waltzed back into our lives, I’d convinced myself she was dead in a ditch somewhere. “Either way, you can read.”

  Before today, I’d managed to get by all right. Benjy had attempted to teach me to read for years, and while I could recite the alphabet, words didn’t make sense to me. We’d been seven when Benjy had taken pity on me after our teacher had mocked me for not being able to spell my own name. He’d been there ever since, shielding me again and again. He even had two kinds of handwriting: his own and the handwriting he used on my homework when he wrote down the answers I gave him. But this wasn’t something that Benjy could protect me from, no matter how hard he tried.

  “Come here,” he said, and I walked into his open arms. He ran his fingers through my hair and stood there silently, and I refused to let myself cry. It wouldn’t solve anything, and the last thing I wanted was to let Benjy see how upset I really was. As long as I pretended to be strong enough to take this, I would have a way to keep him from doing something stupid.

  “You can’t go with me. I’ll be okay,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. I wished I could believe my own words.

  “I would rather have you and no mark than a VI and lose you,” he said. “I don’t care if it means we’ll be hunted. I won’t let you go.”

  I took a shaky breath. “Please don’t do that to me. Don’t make me be the reason your life is ruined. You won’t lose me, I promise. I’ll come see you every day, and when you turn seventeen, you can take your test, and then we’ll both be okay.”

  “You’re my girlfriend,” he said roughly. “I don’t want those pigs touching you.”

  “I’m not exactly happy with the idea, either,” I said, rubbing his back. “But I won’t let Nina risk the kids by hiding me, and I’m not going to Denver.”

  “Can’t you see if they’ll place you in a position here?” said Benjy.

  “I already asked when I got my assignment. They said—they said Extras from D.C. who score low always get placed in other cities. The Heights are too crowded, and we don’t have any family holding us here.”

  “Yes, you do,” he said. “You have me.”

  I swallowed hard. “They don’t care. They said I’m lucky I wasn’t sent Elsewhere when I was little, and I should take what I can get. I’m not going, Benjy. I know you think it’ll be better, but it can’t be. Not without you, okay? And Tabs is my only option.”

  He slipped his hand underneath my shirt and traced an invisible pattern around my navel. “There has to be another way.”

  “If you can think of something, I’m all ears.”

  He kissed me, his lips warm against mine as he gently nudged me backward onto the bed. “Maybe, before you go...”

  I sat down on the edge of my bunk, but I set my hand against his chest, holding him at a distance. “I’m sorry,” I said softly. “Tabs said they’ll take better care of me if we’ve never...” I trailed off.

  “I should be your first,” said Benjy, sitting beside me and lacing his fingers in mine.

  “And you will be.”

  “No, I won’t. Not if you go with Tabs.”

  I shook my head. “They won’t count. They will never count. It’s just you, and it will always be just you, okay? You’ll be the first I love and the only one that ever matters.”

  He rested his forehead against mine and squeezed his eyes shut. “If something happens to you—”

  “That’s what the club’s there for,” I said. “To protect me.”

  “They didn’t do a very good job with Tabs.”

  “Tabs does extra stuff on the side,” I lied. “I’ll be okay. It’s one month, and then it’ll be over, and it’ll be me and you for the rest of our lives, okay? Maybe no one will even want me.”

  Benjy gave me a look, his eyes rimmed with red. “If they don’t want you, they’re crazy.”

  I kissed him again, this time chastely. “Just forget about this part and think about what it’ll be like when you get your VI, okay?”

  “I can’t,” he said, his voice breaking. “It isn’t fair to me, Kitty, and it isn’t fair to you. I love you, and nothing will ever change that, but I can’t sit here and do nothing while they—while they—” He shook his head, and the cords in his neck strained. “I can’t.”

  “Then don’t,” I said, my chest tightening. “If it’ll make it better—”

  “Nothing is going to make this better. You have no idea what you’re getting into.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “But I have to. And by the time it’s over, we’ll have enough saved up to get out of here. Go anywhere we want. You’ll have your pick of assignments, and we’ll never have to worry about any of this again. Until then...” My mouth went dry, and I tightened my grip on his hand. “Until then, I think we should break up.”

  Benjy stiffened beside me, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.

  “You’re right,” I said. “You deserve better than this. Better than having me as a girlfriend. Better than having me ruin your life. So—let’s not anymore. Not until it’s over. When you’re a VI, if you still want me...”

  “I’ll always want you,” he said, and he looked at me, his face red and his eyes filled with tears. “I will always want you no matter what rank I am, no matter what rank you are, and no matter what you have to do to survive.”

  I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “Then when you’re a VI, you can choose me. But you deserve to have that choice in the first place. So—so I’m giving it to you.”

  “By breaking up with me.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway.

  “Until you’re ranked. And then you can choose what kind of life you want. One of us should.”

  His shoulders slumped, and he leaned toward me. “Kitty...”

  The sharp rap of knuckles against the front door made us both jump. The
y were back.

  Benjy and I exchanged a look. Without a word, he went to shove a chair underneath the doorknob while I grabbed my duffel bag and climbed a bunk to reach the nearest window. If I was lucky, they wouldn’t have the whole place surrounded. If I wasn’t—

  “Tabs!” Nina’s greeting echoed through the thin walls. I relaxed and jumped from the bed, landing with a thud.

  “It’s her,” I said, trying to reach around Benjy for the door. “I have to go.”

  He didn’t move. I tried again, and he still didn’t budge.

  “Please, Benjy—this is the only way,” I said. “It’s only a month, and then everything will be better.”

  “You don’t know that for sure,” he muttered, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

  “No, but I know that whatever happens, it’ll be better than going to Denver and losing you forever. Please.”

  I set my hand on his and watched him, silently begging him to move. I didn’t want this. If I’d had my way, I would be a IV, and everything would be okay. But I’d failed a single test—the only test that ever mattered—and now I had to face the consequences. And because Benjy loved me, he did, too.

  At first he didn’t respond. After a few seconds, however, he gave in and hugged me.

  “Come see me tomorrow,” he said. “Wait for me outside the school, and we’ll go to the beach. We’ll swim and watch the sunset and forget this ever happened. Promise me.”

  I nodded. If I didn’t, he would try to track me down anyway, and Tabs with her big mouth would probably be more than happy to tell him exactly where I was. “I will. I love you.”

  Finally he stepped aside. I gave him a lingering kiss and touched his clenched jaw, and before he could say goodbye, I was gone.

  * * *

  The night air was cool on my bare skin, and I followed Tabs through an alleyway full of overflowing trash cans and leering men. Now that I was marked, I could leave home after dark, and there was a sense of tension that unnerved me.

  Shields patrolled the streets, scanning every face that passed. I kept my eyes glued to the ground and my hair in my face as I followed Tabs, who balanced precariously on stiletto heels that made her bare legs look longer, all the way up to the few inches of skirt she’d squeezed into. I was dressed similarly, but because I was half a foot shorter, the skirt covered me to midthigh. She wore red lipstick and charcoal around her eyes that made them stand out, but I’d refused when she’d tried to do mine. Her dark hair was curled, and it was so long that it nearly touched her skirt. I’d run a comb through mine, but that was it.

  “Is this typical at night?” I said quietly as we passed another Shield who kept his hand on his gun holster. “So many Shields and all?”

  “Sometimes,” she said with a shrug. “People drink too much and get rowdy. It gets really bad on the weekends.”

  “Today’s Tuesday.”

  “Whatever.” She eyed me. “You and Benjy didn’t do it last night as some sort of screwed-up goodbye, did you?”

  I shook my head. “I broke up with him.”

  “Good. It’s easier when you don’t have an angry boyfriend getting in the way.” She stopped at a door and knocked four times. In the moment that passed, she must have seen the look on my face, because she pulled me into a quick hug. “It’ll be fine, Kitty. It’s scary your first time, but there’s really nothing to it at all. You’re not actually afraid he won’t forgive you, are you? Because he will. He’s Benjy.”

  The door opened before I could answer, revealing a man with a pointy chin. His eyes took in the curves Tabs was flaunting, and when he focused on me, it was all I could do not to glare.

  “’Lo, Tabs. Who’s your friend?”

  “Fresh meat.” She flashed him a flirty smile. “Going to let us in? Marion’s expecting us.”

  He glanced over our shoulders, undoubtedly to check for Shields, and then stepped aside. Tabs took me by the elbow as we entered a narrow hallway, and the door slammed shut behind us. “Welcome to the Red Star Inn,” said the man, and he grinned to reveal a missing tooth. I averted my eyes as Tabs pulled me past him.

  As a IV, Tabs must have been given a perfectly ordinary assignment and the chance to live a normal life. Tabs was anything but normal, though, and instead she’d chosen this.

  There was no audition for this job. Anyone brave enough to risk it could find a place at one of the clubs scattered around the city, and even though it was highly illegal, everyone knew that the VIs who made up the governing body of society frequented these places. No matter how many laws were written forbidding it, it was a reliable lifestyle, at least until you grew too old to be wanted. I didn’t know what happened then, but at that moment all I cared about was staying in the Heights until Benjy turned seventeen.

  Tabs introduced me to Marion, a graceful woman who must have done this at some point, but had been successful enough to start her own club. She directed me to a cramped dressing room and gestured for me to take a seat.

  “A III, hmm?” She riffled through the rack of clothes pushed against a wall. “Bet you wish it was a VI.”

  “I’m not exactly VI material,” I muttered. “A IV would’ve been nice, though.”

  “We all want to be something we’re not, don’t we?” She pulled a purple outfit off the rack and showed it to me. I wrinkled my nose. A bikini had more fabric. Marion replaced it. “There’s no point in fighting who you are. You can only survive it. We all have our place in the world, and grumbling about it won’t get you anything but a one-way ticket Elsewhere. Coming here, though—that’ll change your life. Aha!”

  She handed me a sleeveless white dress. I held it up to my body, and the hemline reached my knees. Marion beamed.

  “Perfect. The auction starts soon. Tabs explained how you’ll get a percentage of the profits and a room above the club?”

  “Yeah. And I only have to—to be with men I choose, right?”

  “Other than whoever buys you tonight, yes. But if you plan on making any money at this, I wouldn’t be so picky if I were you.” Marion eyed me. “Tabs said you’re a virgin?”

  I nodded, struggling to keep a neutral expression as my face grew hot. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

  “Good. That’s worth a small fortune these days. Get ready. I’ll be back for you when it starts.”

  Marion left, and once we were alone, Tabs squeezed my hand. “She’s wrong, you know. You’re better than a III. She doesn’t want you to change your mind, that’s all.”

  “I don’t exactly have much of a choice,” I said. “But she’s right anyway. I’m a III, and nothing’s going to change that.” And all I could do was try to survive it.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway,” said Tabs. “You’re not a III down here. You’re the gorgeous and desirable Kitty, and you’re in control of your own life now.”

  I would never be gorgeous or desirable, not like Tabs, but I nodded anyway. “Does it hurt?”

  “Not nearly as much as losing Benjy forever would,” she said. “Don’t worry about any of it, okay? You’ll be fine. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, and you can tell me all about it then.”

  Tabs kissed my cheek, and I couldn’t look her in the eye. For her, this was about liberation. All I wanted was to buy myself an extra month, and I didn’t enjoy feeling like I was lying to her. Benjy was my freedom, not this.

  “Are you really getting a cut of my profits on the side?” I said, and Tabs stopped in the doorway.

  “Who told you that?”

  “Nina.”

  She sighed dramatically. “I’m doing this so you can stay here with me and Benjy, not because I need the money. I make plenty on my own, and you will, too. But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll give you my share.”

  “No, that’s fine,” I said, staring at my ragged
fingernails. “I just wanted to know. Thanks, though—for helping me, I mean.”

  She flashed me a dazzling smile. “Anytime. Love you,” she said as she flounced back into the hallway.

  “Love you, too,” I mumbled before she closed the door.

  I sat on the stool and stared at my face in the mirror, trying to imagine the men who would bid on me. According to Tabs, most of the people who frequented these kinds of places weren’t especially attractive, but that wasn’t what I was worried about. Tomorrow, when I met Benjy in front of school, what would he say? Would he even touch me anymore? Would he look at me the same way? Or would I be different—too different for him to love anymore, at least the way he loved me now?

  And was losing him really worth it?

  Yes, I decided. Benjy deserved better than this. He deserved better than me. But if by some miracle he still wanted me when this was over, then I would be here for him. I wasn’t going to leave him, or Tabs, or Nina, no matter what it cost me.

  In a month, Benjy would choose what life he wanted and if I would be in it. But this—right here, right now—this was my choice to make sure I’d still be here when he did.

  The wait was torture. There were no clocks or televisions in the room, and by the time Marion came to get me, I had bitten my ragged nails so short that they bled. She took one look at my hands and dragged me to a bathroom across the hall.

  “You’ll have to stop that before you ruin your hands. Completely unattractive,” she said as she ran a trickle of cold water over my fingertips. I hissed at the pain, but she didn’t let go until they were clean. “There we go. Now c’mon, they’re waiting.”

  Taking me by the arm, Marion led me down the narrow corridor until we reached a velvet curtain. Behind it I could hear the buzz of conversation and laughter, and warm light spilled out from underneath.

  “You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I’ll handle the bidding, and after it’s over, I’ll escort you to the room. It’s simple.”